Music Leader Raises Hand?

Excerpted from the 7th edition of the Youth Group Scoop (C) 2016

Alleged rumors of  Music Leader Keith have yet to be confirmed! 

     According to rumours, eyewitnesses may have seen our music leader, Keith, gesture with his hand at a level above his shoulder for a period lasting at least 4 seconds, 1 second over the Faith Bible Ordinances limit of 3 seconds. The Investigation Team from the Faith Bible Police Department was unable to determine the motive behind this alleged crime, or if it was accidental in its nature. As the investigation goes on, investigators are asking themselves many questions, such as these. Will this incident make FBF appear to be Pentecostal? Will Keith start speaking in tongues? Why is the grass green? There are many other questions to ask, but these have plagued the minds of the investigators as they grapple with the implications of this crime. As investigators have been investigating, they have been uncovering other alleged deeds: Keith coughing during the service, not always singing completely perfectly, and other such things. As FBF expected him to be perfect, this is quite a disappointment, as he apparently is not completely perfect. According to some, nobody is perfect, and Keith is not nobody, which means that he is not not nobody, which means he is somebody, which apparently relates to his doing an amazing job as music leader, despite not knowing every line of the Faith Bible Ordinances. 

      Bringing you up-to-date news, -the Youth Group Scoop.

9 Ways to be Famous and/or Popular.

Excerpted from the 7th edition of the Youth Group Scoop 

Do girls throw mud at you? Does nobody know your name? Do you have no friends? You need help. And help is here, or here is the YGS 9 ways to be Famous and/or Popular!

     1. Be friendly. To start out our list, which degrades as it goes on, we have being friendly. Perhaps you never make eye contact or start pleasant conversations. This probably means you were homeschooled. Making eye contact, smiling, and starting conversations helps both your name recognition, and the number of friends you have.

     2. Become a pyromaniac. (Wow, that went downhill fast) With all the news coverage, people will hear about you. Yes, this will make you famous. Probably not popular.

     3. Run for President. First you’ll need a lot of money. So in order to do that, you need to be wealthy. Second step, is run for office. This will make you famous, especially if you insult everybody else running. This probably won’t make you very popular.

     4. Give all your money to everybody you see. This will make you slightly more well known, and popular… until your money runs out. Back to no friends.

     5. Save the world. If people know you did it, then you’ll probably get at least a little bit of thanks. First step? Acquire superpowers. Second step: find something to save the world from. Third step: save the world! 

     6. Invent a perpetual motion machine. People claim this is impossible to have a perpetual motion machine, because of the first and/or second law of Thermodynamics. The problem is, that people don’t realize that laws can be repealed, just like Congress does all the time. They also don’t realize that according to Isaac Newton, one of the world’s greatest scientists, that “an object in motion will stay in motion”, which obviously means that this is possible. So go do it, and you will be famous. However you will be very unpopular with those who claim that this is impossible, as well as with the oil companies. However just about everyone else will probably appreciate you, at least a little bit.

     7. Throw mud at people. This will make you in-famous, especially with those whom you throw mud at. Some people don’t appreciate it, for some odd reason.

     8. Wear an octopus costume everywhere. People will look at you funny. Then they will whisper to their friends while pointing curiously. Then they will inconspicuously snap a couple pictures and post them on their Snapchat. And pretty soon, people will start hearing about the “weirdo that wears an octopus costume” and pretty soon, you’ll be on your way to being famous.

     9. Be famous. And popular. When everyone knows that you are famous, they will know about you because you are famous. That is one way to be famous. If you are popular, people might appreciate you. If people appreciate you, you will be popular. So that is one way to be famous and popular… by being popular and famous.                                     -Alexander Macleone, the Youth Group Scoop.