Excerpted from the 9th edition of the Youth Group Scoop (C) 2016.
Tired of those expensive plans and services to help you get closer to perfection? With our Do It Yourself 5 Paths to Perfection, you can reach perfection exponentially quicker, whether it’s with your new sport you’re trying out, or a relationship you’re having trouble with, or just becoming a more perfect person. So without further ado, here’s our 5 Paths to Perfection.
1. Don’t make mistakes and be perfect. When you mess up, that’s definitely not helping you be perfect. Making mistakes is the worst mistake you can make when trying to reach perfection. Making mistakes is bad: they’ll just make you look bad and lower your overall “perfectness”.
2. Increase your perfectness. This involves decreasing your un-perfectness and increasing your level of perfectness. Consciously focusing on not making mistakes or doing anything that would be associated with being un-perfect would probably help.
3. Consolidate your thinking. If you can get a loop running through your head of the thoughts of how you won’t mess up, this will speed your way to perfectness. Keep thinking, “Don’t mess up. Don’t mess up.” Such constructive thinking will not only give you peace of mind, but also produce a well-worn groove in your brain that you can later use as a slip’n slide for those annoying positive thoughts.
4. Forsake un-perfectness. Don’t be yourself, because you aren’t perfect. If you just leave all those things that make you un-perfect, then you will instantly become much more perfect.
This will help you on your way to perfection like…. like an article helps an unintelligent person learn something.
5. Just Kidding. There aren’t actually 5 Paths to Perfection. There are only four paths, due to budget cuts. Also, there was going to be a fifth path, but then the road company didn’t want to build it, and we could not purchase a right-of-way through to put in the 5th Path. Plus, the asphalt was going to cost a lot, and the staff at YGStudios would have had to take a salary cut. Think of it: we might have had to go without donuts for a whole 24 hours. Why should you follow these 5 steps? Think of it. We bring news and information to millions of people, so we should obviously know better than you. So thanks for being one of millions of people who read this. -Alexander Macleone, the Youth Group Scoop.
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