5 Ways to Make Money this Summer!

Excerpted from the 6th edition of the Youth Group Scoop (C) 2016
So the summer has started out hot. School is just about out, whether it is high-school, college, etc. Or maybe you just graduated from one or the other.
   So there you are. Sitting there on your porch in the hot, sultry day. The scant clouds drift overhead like giant white balls of fluff. Your friendly neighborhood annoying person (Friendly N.A.P.) who probably is actually your younger sibling comes over and douses you with a water balloon.
But on your mind is this question. What will I do this summer? Perhaps another question is on your mind. How will I make any money this summer? Fear not, O fearful reader. For here is the YGS 5 ways to make money this summer!
     1. Start a lemonade stand. Yes, this is the overused cure-all to pre-teen financial problems. But if you recruit your younger siblings, you can sit out on the street behind a borrowed folding table and look poor. Yes, look poor. And needy. This is an art in itself, but if you and your sibling wear ragged clothing, rub a little dirt on your face, and occasionally sob as people walk by, those people might take pity on you and buy some of your sugar filled-lemon-water that's been sitting out in the sun for 4 hours.
     2. Join the U.S. Treasury Department. Specifically the portion which prints money. You will be part of the printing of millions of dollars, while owning a (perhaps cushy) government job with benefits while helping inflation of the currency so the money you saved will be worth less.
     3. Unlawfully remove property from a financial establishment that invests money deposited by customers, pays it out when required, makes loans at interest, and exchanges currency. Guess what that means! Yes, you'll make money, however side-effects of doing this will also result in "the legal seizure of the custody of one's person prior to subsequent removal to a penitentiary." On the bright side, in jail, you'll have free room and board, food, dental care, et cetera. The benefits just go on!
     4. Do yard work. Yes, there are many ways to do this, but the best way is to rent a bulldozer and (instead of actually putting male bovines to sleep), landscape your neighbor's lawns and yards. They will act displeased and complain, but they actually like it. Charge them a steep fee for driving over their yards and making those piles of dirt. And then, offer to make it look either the way it was, or better. Charge a steep fee for that too. This is one of those "doze first, ask questions later" instances.
     5. Advertise your services or business with a newspaper. This will skyrocket your requests and business opportunities, thereby automatically making your profits increase exponentially! Unfortunately, we couldn't think of any newspa.... Oh, wait a minute: don't go away. We just received word of a great newspaper to advertise with. It was called, the... I Scream Scoo... Oh, right. The Youth Group Scoop.                                                                          -the Youth Group Scoop.

News Flash!

NEWS FLASH!

BREAKING NEWS!

Bat bites man. Man (Don) sues Bat for ruining coat. Bat countersues for emotional and dental damages. See later article covering videography of…….

Bat vs. Man: Don is Justless.

News Flash also featured in 6th edition of the Youth Group Scoop (C) 

FBF Janitors go on Strike!

Excerpted from the 4th edition of the Youth Group Scoop (C) 2016

FBF Janitors Union goes on Strike!!!

   Although rumors have yet to be confirmed, the Janitors of Faith Bible Fellowship have decide they are going to strike. Picket lines, interior decorating, and signs: the whole 9 yards (27 feet [324 in. {822.96 cm (0.0051136364 miles)}])!!!

   Although not the largest strike, both of the union bosses agreed that this would further the community. Negotiations may be taking place eventually, but time will see if church official/leaders give in. What is this strike’s goals? “Slightly higher wages, more benefits like a popcorn machine in the break room, along with more refrigerators, couches, food/drink to go in the fridges, and a rec. room with ping-pong, fooseball, big-screen TVs, and a sandwich bar.” said one of the workers, one of the massive sea of workers which totaled… 3 workers. Rumors have also surfaced that the FBF Sound Team may also strike.                        Reporting for the YGS, Alexander Macleone.

-the YGStudios

P.S.A. Twinkling Stars may be regulated.

Excerpted from the 3rd edition of the Youth Group Scoop (C) 2016 #throwbackthursday

Public Service Announcement.

    For you pilots out there, or anybody remotely interested in aviation, read this announcement. Rumors have broken that the Federal Aviation Administration, or the F.A.A. will soon be regulating the frequency and flashing patterns of twinkling stars. Yes, twinkle twinkle little star, I already know what you are (because I took basic science). However these twinkly little ‘stars’ are actually gigantically enormous balls of fire and radioactive rays, hence the F.A.A. may be regulating them as navigational hazards. According to the rumor, he twinkling stars will be required to twinkle at standard aviation regulations for heavy commercial aircraft. 

-Alexander Macleone, YGS.

-the YGStudios

10 Ways to Save on Your Electric Bill!

Excerpted from the 5th edition of the Youth Group Scoop (C) 2016

10 Ways to Save on Your Electric Bill!

   Your family will go ballistic on these helpful ways to save on your electric bill!!

1.  Turn off all of your lights and adapt your eyes to night vision. This might take a while but don't forget that patience is a virtue!

2.  Reroute your neighbors’ electrical wire to your house. This is guaranteed to get you free electricity for a little while as well as at least a free five day stay in the local jail with lunch provided! Why the benefits go on!

3.  Build a large bonfire in the middle of your living room. This will provide a considerable amount of light as well as heat so you don't have to pay the electric bill or for heating oil!

4.  Flat out don't pay your electric bill. Instead give your MEA or GCI or whoever you go through a sob story about how your extinct water buffalo died and you had to spend the family fortune on a gold inlaid casket because he is allergic to wood. This is sure to get their emotions going and will most likely let you have free electricity for the rest of your life! (or at least… until you get a new pet)

5.  Put mirrors around your house reflecting the light in through the windows! This works fairly well although you may want to wash them every couple hours as the dust tends to stick only to mirrors.

6.  Just kidding!! Even though the title suggest that there are in fact 10 ways to save on electric there is only going to be provided half of them, seeing as the rest were considered as hazardous, and were banned for your safety, not to mention the numerous healthcare and safety violations.                               Reporting for the YGS, Rosie O.

-the YGStudios

Three Youth Groupers have long wait.

Excerpted from the 5th edition of the Youth Group Scoop (C) 2016,.
Three Youth Groupers have long wait.

            Many attendees of Faith Bible Fellowship saw God’s Not Dead 2, a well-heralded sequel to the Christian Movie, God’s Not Dead 1. 

    But three youth groupers of FBF have decided that they will camp out in the church gym until the release of God’s Not Dead 3, also hoping to spur a rewatching of the 2nd movie. 

“I mean, the popcorn at the theater was kinda stale, and someone had shook up the cans of coke, not to mention that someone gave out mouth-numbing gum. So we’re hoping that if we camp out here, that not only will we get to watch God’s Not Dead 2 again, but when they come out with God’s Not Dead 3, that we’ll be all ready for it, they’ll show it here at church, and we’ll have the best seats in the church gym.” one of the teens reportedly said. One critic pointed out that nobody knows if they are even coming out with God’s not Dead 3, and suggested that the 3 Youth Groupers just watch Captain America 3 on May 6th instead.

                          Reporting for the YGS, Alexander Macleone.

-the YGStudios