5 Ways to Make Money this Summer!

Excerpted from the 6th edition of the Youth Group Scoop (C) 2016
So the summer has started out hot. School is just about out, whether it is high-school, college, etc. Or maybe you just graduated from one or the other.
   So there you are. Sitting there on your porch in the hot, sultry day. The scant clouds drift overhead like giant white balls of fluff. Your friendly neighborhood annoying person (Friendly N.A.P.) who probably is actually your younger sibling comes over and douses you with a water balloon.
But on your mind is this question. What will I do this summer? Perhaps another question is on your mind. How will I make any money this summer? Fear not, O fearful reader. For here is the YGS 5 ways to make money this summer!
     1. Start a lemonade stand. Yes, this is the overused cure-all to pre-teen financial problems. But if you recruit your younger siblings, you can sit out on the street behind a borrowed folding table and look poor. Yes, look poor. And needy. This is an art in itself, but if you and your sibling wear ragged clothing, rub a little dirt on your face, and occasionally sob as people walk by, those people might take pity on you and buy some of your sugar filled-lemon-water that's been sitting out in the sun for 4 hours.
     2. Join the U.S. Treasury Department. Specifically the portion which prints money. You will be part of the printing of millions of dollars, while owning a (perhaps cushy) government job with benefits while helping inflation of the currency so the money you saved will be worth less.
     3. Unlawfully remove property from a financial establishment that invests money deposited by customers, pays it out when required, makes loans at interest, and exchanges currency. Guess what that means! Yes, you'll make money, however side-effects of doing this will also result in "the legal seizure of the custody of one's person prior to subsequent removal to a penitentiary." On the bright side, in jail, you'll have free room and board, food, dental care, et cetera. The benefits just go on!
     4. Do yard work. Yes, there are many ways to do this, but the best way is to rent a bulldozer and (instead of actually putting male bovines to sleep), landscape your neighbor's lawns and yards. They will act displeased and complain, but they actually like it. Charge them a steep fee for driving over their yards and making those piles of dirt. And then, offer to make it look either the way it was, or better. Charge a steep fee for that too. This is one of those "doze first, ask questions later" instances.
     5. Advertise your services or business with a newspaper. This will skyrocket your requests and business opportunities, thereby automatically making your profits increase exponentially! Unfortunately, we couldn't think of any newspa.... Oh, wait a minute: don't go away. We just received word of a great newspaper to advertise with. It was called, the... I Scream Scoo... Oh, right. The Youth Group Scoop.                                                                          -the Youth Group Scoop.